Sharp Dressed Surprise
by Darkly Dreaming
Summary: 3rd in the Impalaverse. Rated T to be safe.


A/N: Thanks to **draco pryde** for part of this awesome idea. Once it was planted in my brain it just...wouldn't let go. At this rate I'll never get my Sherlock fic done! XD I don't own anything mentioned. I _do_ own a copy of the Metallica cd, but that's as far as it goes. The Assassin's Tango is from Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I don't own that either. Not even the DVD.

* * *

Sheldon was vacuuming Kitten's trunk when he spotted a small notch in the floorboard next to the latch. It was big enough for his thumb and looked like it was meant to be used to open it. Curious, Sheldon lifted the floor. Immediately his senses were assaulted. The most noticable was the smell of metal and gunpowder. There was a prop already installed, and Sheldon utilized it now and began to inspect. He couldn't believe he'd missed this when he detailed the car the first time. There were belts on the underside of the floorboard with snaps, as if to secure things. Upon closer inspection Sheldon could make out faint outlines of various guns, hatchets, knives, and what might've been a harpoon gun. In one of the five compartments was a set of brass knuckles and a small bag that used to contain salt. In fact, grains of it were littered everywhere. Apparently, not only was the previous owner prone to violence, but they were _not_ prone to tidying up after themselves. In the back right corner Sheldon spotted a couple of cassette tapes. One was labeled "Metallica," the other "ZZ Top." While he had no love for Metallica, Sheldon, like most Texans, had a special place in his heart for ZZ Top. It was the only thing he had in common with his father. Their only real bonding experience had been a concert the summer before he left for college.

Sheldon put Metallica and the brass knuckles in the glovebox (to be worried about later) and ZZ Top in the cassette player. _"Gimme All Your Lovin'"_ started playing immediately. He didn't sing, but he did mouth the words while he worked. Vacuuming didn't take long, but shampooing the carpet-covered sections did. Sheldon got back in the driver's seat while he waited for the trunk to soak. He'd probably have to do it several times just to get the rust stains out, let alone the gunpowder smell.

_"They come runnin' just as fast as they can"_

"Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!" Sheldon belted out loudly. His voice was quickly followed by the ding of a timer. While he cleaned the trunk Sheldon had a thought. Not exactly news, as Sheldon never stops thinking, but this one was a specific thought and required a little more attention.

_If all women are, as the song says, "Crazy 'bout sharp dressed men," then Penny is, too. _And thinking back to when they went suit shopping, Penny _had_ looked at him differently in the dark suit. Everyone had looked at him differenlty, but the women had definitely looked longer, and that was before he was intoxicated. _This might actually work, then. Not only will Penny be appreciative, but the others will be baffled. I wonder how long we'll need to practice..._ And with his mind made up it went on to other things. Like what he could utilize this extra space for. _Oh! I know. Contingency equipment. It's already got straps for my guns, spaces for medical supplies, blankets, and such. I should get my concealed carry license renewed, as should Penny. Maybe we should teach the others to shoot, just in case..._

With the trunk finally cleaned, all that was left to do was to wait for it to dry. In the meantime, he decided to tell Penny about his plan; well, most of his plan. He wouldn't ruin the surprise for her. He texted her.

_Can you tango?_

_like on dancing w/ the stars?_

_Indeed._

_not rly i mostly dance n clubs n stuff._

_Then I'll teach you the basics. I have something of an idea for our next Anything Can Happen Thursday. But you'll have to bring it up with the others. I don't want them to know it was my idea until afterward._

_alrite sweetie w/e u say._

_Oh, and Penny. Could you perhaps utilize more of the grammar rules when you text? It would make it so much easier for me to understand what you're trying to say._

_Sure thing, honey._

_Thank you. One more thing. What size dress do you wear? Be truthful, please. You know I find you extremely attractive whatever your size._

Sheldon had taken to wearing jeans when not working, at Penny's suggestion. They really weren't that bad once you got used to them. He kept his customary shirts, but traded his usual jacket for the much more efficient leather one. It had more pockets. At least, that's what he kept telling himself whenever he'd remember the look in Penny's eyes when he wore it. However, what he had planned required much nicer clothes than he had. After Googling proper dancing attire he went to the mall. Really, having his own vehicle gave him so much more independence and control, it's a wonder he hadn't done this before. Sheldon thrived on control. Another reason his plan would undoubtedly be a success: tango dancing required much control.

He chose a navy blue suit the same cut as his black one, a light blue dress shirt, and black dancing shoes. For Penny, he chose a cobalt blue dress. It was a little shorter than he would like for her to wear out dancing in public, especially with Wolowitz watching, but the range of motion it provided was crucial. Also, Penny would love it, and that's what he was going for. _[A/N: Dress seen here - http : /3 . bp . blogspot . com/_HAVpescJnwo/SR2SHdqy7lI/AAAAAAAAAKI/L7BfitqR8yA/s1600/edressme_2024_ - If you can't get to it, just make one up. ;D] _Since he was in the mood (and his eidetic memory told him she actually _didn't_ have a good pair of dancing shoes) he bought her a pair of heels that would both protect her ankles and look flattering with the dress. Sheldon had her things delivered to her apartment as a surprise and took his own things home.

That night was Laundry Night, so Sheldon decided to use the downtime between washing and drying to teach Penny the basics of the Tango. He wore his dancing shoes and instructed Penny to do the same.

"You need to break them in," he explained. "Also, you wouldn't want blisters the night we metaphorically blow their minds. Best to get used to them before then." He, of course, had been right. Penny ended up buying some Dr. Scholl's For Her insoles and decided to wear panty hose because - let's face it - that dress was scary short. She got the gist of the basics down before the last load of laundry dried, much to Sheldon's delight. Perhaps it wouldn't take as long as he'd thought.

While Sundays were usually spent leisurely working (which means scribbling on his white boards like Van Gogh paints), this one was used for more intricate practice. Moving up from simple steps to little flourishes. It went surprisingly well; Penny was actually a quick learner when it suited her - and dancing certainly suited her.

Two weeks later they were ready. Penny had studied every movie with a tango from _Scent of a Woman _to _Take the Lead_. Sheldon had, of course, memorized all of them the first time and could draw from those memories and his own experience to choreograph a whole new dance at the drop of a hat. They had practiced enough that Penny could not only follow Sheldon's lead, but improvise a little of her own. There's a lot of flourish and leg movements that only the woman does, after all.

On Thursday Penny burst into 4A and said loudly, "Put on your dancin' shoes, boys, we're goin out!" Before any of them could get a word out she said, "I got a new dress and new shoes and I wanna put 'em to good use. You wear slacks and dress shirts and the most comfortable dress shoes you own." With a smile, she added, "It's Anything Can Happen Thursday, boys. You might just pick up a chick where we're goin'." She winked. "If you can dance. Be at Pulse in three hours." Then she went back to her apartment to get ready. She had to shower, dress, do her hair and makeup, and drive there. Sheldon had insisted she drive herself. She wasn't sure why.

The room was silent for a few seconds, then, "Well, you heard the woman," Sheldon said. "Go get dressed."

"What about you, Sheldon?" Howard asked.

"Yeah," Raj included. "Penny's your girlfriend. Aren't you coming?"

"Of course I'm going, Raj," Sheldon settled back into his spot. "But it doesn't take me three hours to get dressed, and it certainly doesn't take me three hours to drive downtown." And with that he clicked play on his series two DVD of Sherlock and started watching A Scandal in Belgravia.

After the 90 minute episode Sheldon had a pudding cup, showered, brushed his teeth, and dressed, leaving him approximately 45 minutes to drive downtown. However, he purposefully stayed back unitl after Leonard had gone, saying only that he had a car of his own now, he could drive himself. At thirty minutes 'til, Sheldon got in his car and drove downtown. When he parked he texted Penny.

_Do they have the song?_

_No they don't, but I do. I told them to hook up my iPod. Hurry, it's the next song._

_Very well._

He walked through the door of the club to the edge of the sparsely populated dance floor. Apparently Latin Night wasn't as popular as Rave Night. Sheldon took advantage of his height and scanned the crowd for Penny and the others. Of course, they were at the bar. Raj already had a grasshoper in his hand, telling Penny what a great idea coming here had been.

The opening strains of John Powell's _Assassin's Tango_ drifted through the large speakers and Sheldon glided his way to Penny. The guys saw his graceful form and intense features and stared in more confusion than shock. There may be an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of Sheldons, but in none of them did he dance. And yet he caught Penny up in his arms and twirled her onto the dance floor like a pro.

The dance started out slow and sensual. Sheldon and Penny were pressed very closely together, perfectly in sync, everything flowing beautifully. They were the only two on the dance floor; no one could look away, they were so entrancing. As more of the ensemble entered the song their steps sped up to accomodate the increased tempo. Sheldon whirled Penny all across the dance floor, commanding attention. Someone captured video on their phone. Their dance intensified as the song did.

The sensual dance was entirely captivating. It was as if they were making love, their emotions were so exposed. The music brought to the imagination the journey of romance; meeting, dancing, falling in love, and finally, the climax. The song reached it's peak, as did the two lovers dancing. It was frenzied, intimate, and when it ended, left everyone hungry for more.

Sheldon had Penny dipped so deeply her hair skimmed the floor. Slowly, he eased her back up. In all that time neither took their eyes off each other. The spell was broken when their audience applauded and the next song came on. Penny and Sheldon walked back to the others at the bar, holding each other close.

Leonard was the first to find his voice. "Sheldon. What has gotten into you? You don't dance!"

Sheldon merely smirkd. "It appears that one of my new favorite activities is rendering the three of you speechless. It is satisfying on a level I hadn't considered before."

"One of?" Penny asked.

"Well..." Sheldon leaned down and whispered in her ear, "My top favorite activity is impolite to mention, if you understand my meaning."

Penny shivered. "Oh, you know it."

Leonard, Raj, and Howard just stared, blank-faced, and finally accepted the change. Penny had finally turned him into a real boy, and managed to make a man of him as well.

They couldn't help but be jealous. Penny was giving Sheldon a hungry look and when he noticed he smirked evilly, eyes hooded. They were having another of their silent conversations, which apparenlty ended in them leaving hurriedly. No one needed to ask where they were going; they all knew what they would be doing in that situation and Penny and Sheldon were no exception.

* * *

A/N2: So tell me what you guys think! I couldn't find anyone to write me a tango scene, and I don't know how, so I just sort of...wrote over it. Is it good, is it bad? Was it sexy enough? Lol. How was the imagery? GIVE ME FEEDBACK! Also, if it's not good enough I will let anyone who wants to write me a tango scene and I'll put it in. ;)


End file.
